Facing the end of your marriage and you still love your spouse is one of the hardest things for most women. The feeling of letting go is almost unbearable and aside from experiencing a sense of powerlessness and self-pity, you ask a big question in your mind – “How can I go on living and start a new life without him?”
It’s not easy, of course. Nevertheless, like every stage in a person’s life, this too shall pass – but it will not happen overnight and will absolutely not happen if you don’t do something about it.
Everything has a process. What can you do? It takes time and rushing yourself will only lead you back to where you started. You have to follow a certain process and you have, with all your commitment and effort, to linger over each step and keep everything you may learn in mind and accept it with all your heart.
Sometimes, you may return to an earlier stage even you thought you have already moved on and gone past it. This is the reason why you should always be true to yourself and accept the reality that you are seeing in order to sincerely take every step as a healing and molding process for a better you.
You don’t have to do it alone. It is always a good feeling to be with people who care about you and how you feel – your family and friends. You don’t have to deal with your suffering alone. Although no one can say anything that will make you feel better in an instant, it is relieving to just let it out.
You may be angry, cry, complain and just vent it all out. In the end, you will feel lighter and somehow relieved that you are able to express how you feel without being judged because you know you are with people you can trust.
Face reality head on. You have done everything in your power to save the marriage but it still ended up the way it did. How can you deal with it? First step to moving on after any disappointment is just to face the music, and accept reality as it is.
Recognize the things that you have now and the things that you are going to lose. Through this, you are able to see where to start. Work on what you still have and start letting go of what has to go like emotional or financial attachments you developed during the marriage.
Don’t let your suffering control your life. Most divorced women have the tendency of keeping grudges and thinking all the ways to get back to their ex-husbands. It is natural to feel the need to fight back if someone hurt you, but trying to adjust your life just to get even and realize your plan for revenge is just one way of letting failure control your life.
From now on, you have to take charge and run your life without anyone telling you what to do. More importantly, don’t let the negative emotion over the divorce cloud your judgment and make you more miserable.
Love and help yourself first. After a divorce, women may feel powerless and lose their confidence. Most of them will feel ugly, stupid, betrayed and these negative self view strengthens the emotion of blaming themselves for the failed marriage.
Loving yourself first and starting to get on with your life is the hardest part in the process since you have to wrestle against your own opinion of yourself. This should not be tolerated and you should find ways to boost and get your confidence back.
How? The simple going out to the salon or having your nails done are examples. The point is, you should feel good about yourself, tell yourself again and again that you are strong and you can do anything.
Goal-setting. Now that you’ve got your confidence back, you try to see yourself and make a grand plan on how you will live your life in the next 10 years. Although this is ideal, why not try to achieve smaller scale goals and realize short term plans?
This is better and more attainable. As a process, you need to take it one step at a time. Think of the things you want to do the next day like getting up early in the morning, take a shower and prepare some nice breakfast, go about your day, visit some friends and go home feeling life. Do this again the following day; until you start to learn to live your new and normal life like it’s the first time.
See a new and better you. You’re almost there. Now that you feel lighter and have adjusted to the new day to day living, what’s next?
Ask this question: Now that I’m ready, what kind of person do I want to be?
You are the only one who knows the answer to this. The most certain thing is, your experiences changed you to a more mature, stronger and better person that you are now. Decide how you will live your new life and it’s always exciting to look forward to a brighter future as a new you.
If you think you need more time and can’t do all these, you can always seek help from a life coach.
The professionals from EyetheFuture can make you better understand your situation and cope with the changes that you might be afraid to undergo. Remember, you don’t have to face life alone.